NFL Predictions: Week Fourteen

Houston at Cincinnati (-2.5)

Nick: The Texans are 9-3 (and winners of 6 in a row) because they play in the AFC South. The Bengals went on their own 5-0 run exactly because they didn’t play anybody else in their division. You can’t play third fiddle in a conference with the Ravens and Steelers and expect to be a playoff contender. Strangely, being third banana (or fiddle or whatever) has worked out well for T.J. “Who?” Yates, the now-starting quarterback for the Texans. With no managerial direction, the Texans recently picked up Jake Delhomme and Jeff Garcia—two more quarterbacks who have a combined 96 years in the NFL. Seriously, Houston has become the football equivalent of a “Rat Race” remake, complete with a smorgasbord of C-level stars. How many quarterbacks do they plan on using? They now have five with serious NFL experience, and none that will celebrate a Division Round playoff win. Still, fuck it. Texans.

Mac: Despite an outrageous QB carousel, the Texans just keep winning. Tate took the reins this past Sunday and still beat a solid Falcons team. The Bengals on the other hand have done a great job of holding off inferior opponents but haven’t had enough steam to beat playoff teams. If the Bengals can hold Arian Foster to a modest performance then their corners should take advantage of an inexperienced QB. Even so, this is a well-rounded Texans team that is built to outlast a team like the Bengals. Texans

Philadelphia at Miami (-2.5)

Nick: The Eagles and the Dolphins are meeting at the middle of inversely related seasons. True to their respective mascots, the Eagles have absolutely plummeted from pre-season highs and the Dolphins, a team that annually struggles to keep its head above water has actually risen from the “Suck for Luck” depths. Actually, among any of the bottom-tier teams, it seems the Dolphins are actually trying to win and doing a helluva job, too. Meanwhile I’d say the great Philadelphia-area will be drunk on Sunday in a vain effort to numb a pain whose cause can’t be diagnosed. Because of the mysterious failings, I think Andy Reid should be packing his bags. Desean Jackson might have a bit more passion with Michael Vick on the field but I’d give only even odds that Vick finishes the game. Philly’s LeSean McCoy is still one of my favorite rushers and tearing up the end zone this year. I think this will be one the games that makes no sense at all. Eagles.

Mac: Both teams are 4-8 but each have a total different perspective on their current situation. The Eagles have fallen on their faces. The Eagles still have the fastest offensive in the NFL, but after the early season meltdown they have finally quit. The DeSean Jackson situation has gone too far. None of the off-season pick-ups paid off. It’s also fairly amazing that Andy Reid quits coaching after every job saving season. Word of advice, just get rid of him before he lucks out and Michael Vick has another great year. Dolphins on the other hand are playing lights out defense, dominating 4 of their last 5 games and are a confident team that looked abysmal through the first 7 games of the season. While I can’t imagine the Eagles getting blown out for the third straight week, Dolphins win.

Kansas City at New York (Jets) (-9.5)

Nick: In case people haven’t picked up on it, I live in Kansas City and so picking the Chiefs is essential to enjoying the game in a public atmosphere. Basically they could be playing the best team ever (actually I think that’s coming up next week) and I’d still have to pick the Chiefs because about the time that I’m branded a disbeliever, well, that’s just too much. It’s no different than rooting for America in the Olympics even when its some sport I have never heard of but clearly a life-or-suicide situation for some loser country half-a-world away. I also love the Olympics because it’s the only appropriate time everybody in the country gets to be on one side and scream at “the others.” Chiefs win by forty points because Rex Ryan can bite me.

Mac: Let’s be honest, I’m going to pick the Chiefs. I could sit here and make jokes about the $2.5 million flea-flicker but my only hope is for Orton to play. I don’t think Orton is the future, but he is the right kind of QB to prove that this offensive has been held back by Matt Cassel. Is it too much to ask that without the starting QB during the toughest stretch of the season that we actually do good enough to win? Yes, it is. Instead I will root for a strong performance from Orton that finally wakes people up to the need for Matt Cassel to be replaced. Also the Chiefs are 7-5 against the spread, the Jets are 5-7 so Chiefs at least beat the spread.

New Orleans at Tennessee (+3.5)

Nick: The Saints’ defense allows nearly 400 yards a game but nobody gives a fart because the offense is countering with damn near 33 points a game. Drew Brees is the best in the league at the deep throws and just may be the lone highlight holdout this year in a position otherwise dominated by Aaron Rogers. The Saints will get their second chance at the Packers in the playoffs, but are they better than they were in Week One? No. Only the biggest twist of the season could stop the Packers at this point…perhaps some late-season resurgence of Tom Brady or a sniper in the stands during Week 15. Also, running back Chris Johnson’s “comeback” was against the Bucs and the Bills; he’ll be back to 50-yard games before long. Three and a half point spread is a gift from the gambling gods. Saints.

Mac: I don’t know what changed but Chris Johnson is finally back. That won’t win them this game. Saints are going to make every game a high-scoring thriller this year. While Johnson maybe back on track, this game will not be won by rushing. Brees keeps on pace to crush Marino’s pass yards mark, Saints win.

Chicago at Denver (-3.5)

Nick: Last week, the Bears were beat in Chicago by Tyler Palko. Broncos.

Mac: Tebow wins games. Exclusively running the option will not work week in/week out in the NFL. Tebow has a long way to go at QB, no matter how many average teams he beats. Nobody has run the option at this level in the NFL because nobody had the perfect QB. Tebow is that QB. The truth is we don’t know if Tebow will succeed, just as nobody knew that Aaron Rodgers would work out or that somebody like Kyle Boller wouldn’t. The NFL is full of extremely talented people that have to dedicated themselves to the game of football, 365 days a year. Their development is influenced by their team, their coach, their family, the media and even the fans. The development is a continually thing that will work out or it won’t. Vince Young has a skill set similar to Tebow but the pressure of the NFL derailed a winner that didn’t quite fit the QB mold. So instead of explaining why Tebow is amazing or terrible, I’ll just watch a football player test his talent. Tebow finally won a game last week using his arm, the first of his career. If he can do it this week, the lore of Tebow will grow. If not, we will have a lot of questions and Tebow will have a long week. I personally don’t think Tebow will win games against playoff teams. But Broncos win.

New York (Giants) at Dallas (-2.5)

Nick: The Cowboys lost to the Cardinals by six last week. The Giants lost to the Packers by three. Therefore…nothing. New York beat the Patriots a few weeks back, and that was fun, but otherwise the Giants have just not held their own against playoff-caliber teams. The Cowboys are taking the division and they’ll prove it with this win. Poor Eli Manning couldn’t put his foot down this year on being an elite quarterback in the league…or really even in his division, city or family. I love the man’s Leonidas-esque hard counts but you don’t score points with off-side penalties. Dallas.

Mac: Originally I thought this matchup had the most for me to talk about but not so much. Eli is playing some of his best football but its not enough. The running game is completely gone and the defense can only play with the lead which the Giants never seem to have. Romo is playing great and the running game is coming around. The Cowboys are on the upswing and the Giants are not prepared for a playoff run. But Giants win.