NFL Predictions: The Big Game

The NFL likely employs as many lawyers as athletes, if only to draft up legal waivers that make Mephistophiles hesitate and enforce the warning that every football fan could eerily and unknowingly regurgitate upon prompting:

“This telecast is copyrighted by the NFL for the private use of our audience. Any other use of this telecast or of any pictures, descriptions, or accounts of the game without the NFL’s consent, is prohibited.”

Beyond that, public Superbowl parties can’t say “Superbowl” © and instead use euphemisms like “The Big Game.” The NFL, ever seeking to decrease fun, actually tried to copyright “The Big Game” a couple years back but the University of California and Stanford threw a fit, noting their own use of “The Big Game” for the last 120 years. Fortunately, there are no ads on this blog and certainly no other income so I think Mac and myself will escape the misbegotten hammer of corporate legality.

New York vs. New England (-2.5)

NICK:

A rematch of one of the best Superbowls in history, with many characters returning. Clearly, nobody has to worry about the Patriots unconscionably/tragically/hilariously overlooking the Giants this year. In 2008, Sith Lord Belichick couldn’t muster the decency to meet his counterpart on the field for a post-game handshake and I don’t think the humbling loss did anything to help Belichick grow as a person. He’ll just be more desperate.

Eli Manning gets to play in Indianapolis, strangely making him the best quarterback named Manning in Indianapolis. Or at least making him the Manning with the healthiest neck. Don’t worry, the city will be back down to zero before long. Sadly, Peyton Junior could probably win the Superbowl (trumping his older brother) and I still wouldn’t hesitate to pick Peyton proper in what would surely be an incredible pick-up game of football.

Problem is, Eli is still that clumsy, goofy kid in the high school film and wouldn’t be the main character in his own biopic. In the same high school film, Tom Brady would be the star quarterback. Nah, too obvious. Tom Brady is the cafeteria worker because incongruities in casting are hilarious. Eli Manning even makes a better sour face than Tom Brady when his team absolutely tanks once every other month.

Begrudgingly, I accept that Bill Belichick and Tom Brady make up one of the most powerful duos in the history of football, to the point that whether they actually win this game or not is a rather minor point. However, this would be as good as a point as any to point out the “revenge” aspect of the game. Is Brady playing with a chip on his shoulder, the same chip that powered him through his darkest days? Or perhaps the Patriots leaders will be just too consumed with anger and second-guessing that they’ll overplay their emotions.

In the hopes of a Giants-Patriots trilogy, I almost want the Giants to lose, giving us all that dark second movie vibe. Narrative-wise, that’s how it has to work. Then again, the second “Toy Story” movie wasn’t exactly ‘the dark one’ of that trilogy. It was the worst, though. Short running time, broad humor, repeated sentiments and kind of a rushed cash-in, really. Obviously this means the Giants will win. Obviously.

MAC:

"I consider myself in that class. Tom Brady is a great quarterback, he's a great player and what you've seen with him is he's gotten better every year. He started off winning championships and I think he's a better quarterback now than what he was, in all honesty, when he was winning those championships.” –Eli Manning, on August 16, 2011.

The response to this statement was something like “Hello, Earth calling Eli, Earth calling Eli, come in Eli.” and “Somebody wake this guy up. He’s dreaming.” The analyst scoffed at the notion that Eli was “Elite” and that he would compare himself to Tom Brady. The season saw Eli take this dysfunctional Giants team on his back and carry them until they finally hit their stride as the season ended. Eli is now looked at as the Giants’ slayer, taking down the Pats’ perfect season, Brett’s last Lambeau Leap, Rodger’s Repeat. This season, Eli played every game as if he was saying “I told you so.” Now to prove he’s in Brady’s class, he has to…well, beat Brady again.

So many fans are going to be rooting for the Giants simply because the Pats disgust us as an organization. They win too much, they’re too secretive, they cheat, Brady knocks up actresses and marries models, Belichick is too cheap to pay for dry-cleaning, the owner Bob Kraft is clogging America’s arteries, the name “New England” lacks precision in indicating team location. There are so many reasons why we can’t stand the Patriots. None of those reasons matter to me.

It comes down to 60 semi-consecutive minutes on Feb.5th. The first time they played for all the marbles, we saw one of the greatest QB battles in the history of the NFL. Now they are both better, they both have something to prove. In all honesty I just want to watch another great game. I also want to see revenge, I want to see the Patriots reclaim their glory. What’s the point of hating a team that hasn’t won a Superbowl since 2004? Patriots win and we still have a team to despise for the next decade.