Nick:
D-lineman Ndamukong Suh apparently met with--NFL’s Hammer of God--Roger Goodell this week. With more than a small sense of self-righteousness, I hope that Goodell played “Mr. Jenkins” to Suh’s “Howard Beale” and just ripped the football player in half with a devastating monologue on the true significance of professional football. Don’t kid yourself, the game is not about athletics, statistics and tackling people; it’s about good vs. evil. Professional football is a continuous melodrama, a soap opera for the people who don’t watch soap operas. What does this mean? It means Suh and the rest of the Lions have squandered their chance at being America’s Underdogs (ala 2002 Patriots) or America’s Recovery (ala 2010 Saints). Nope, fight after fight after taunt after fight, the Detroit Lions—with their small-scale winning—have become nothing but petty, self-serving and vindictive dicks. I am looking forward to them finally getting properly smacked by the Green Bay Packers later this year. Twice.
Mac:
The Lions. This is a team that hasn’t won anything. Last year they finished on a winning streak but this is first year in over a decade that they have had playoff aspirations. So where did this swagger come from? The fast start was not all that surprising, seeing the strides forward by the Stafford-Johnson connection and the instant impact of Suh. The confidence of this team is a whole other thing. It’s not quite like the Jets cockiness because the Lions haven’t tried to play the game in press conferences. Suh's quotes have gained the ire of many but most of his trash talking comes while he is planting the QB in the dirt. I don’t know what Suh or any other Lion said when Matt Ryan got his ankle stepped on by his own offensive tackle. If you enjoy clichés that present deductive reasoning as a duck metaphor then you would assume that clearly the story is true. To that I say, 'so what'. Although I’m not rooting for the Lions this year, I also don’t look at the idea of the Low-Blow Lions as being a bad thing. I love the Suh mentality that if he just keeps hitting the QB, he will beat the will to win out of them. Suh is making no friends in the NFL and he is damn proud of it. This is his second season and he has turned a perennial loser into a gritty defense that will pound its opponent into submission. As opposed to the cocky Jets who seem to find it more important to let the media know they are winners, Suh has truly showed the leadership to make the team put winning over everything else, including sportsmanship. Some people don’t like that, but it doesn’t matter what other people think of the Lions. They’re winning.
Miami at Kansas City (-3.5)
Nick:
Poor Miami is 0-7 and they’re still not really even number one in the “Suck for Luck” contest. That distinction would go to the Colts, who have the duel advantage of intriguing personnel possibilities (i.e. cutting Peyton “Superneck” Manning) and a string of defeats that’d make the Washington Generals look like winners. Whereas the Dolphins have shown some moxie in most of their games but still just stranded in Nowhere, USA. Last Monday, the Chiefs snatched victory away from the jaws of death inside of the monster of victory...or something. What I mean is that the Chiefs should not have blown the 13-3 second half lead but they probably also shouldn’t have had a second half lead. Basically, I just not a believer in Todd Haley’s beard and the Chiefs have a terrifying road ahead of them from Week 11 to Week 15. Fortunately this is only Week 9 and they can keep stumbling forward. Chiefs.
Mac:Records in the NFL don’t matter. If the Rams can beat the Saints with Sam Bradford injured than any team can surprise you come Sunday. The key to a game is match-ups and this one lends itself to the Chiefs. The Chiefs play well when Matt Cassel faces below average pass defenses which the Dolphins rank 27th. If the Chiefs play offense well early and get a lead, the Dolphins will have to rely on Matt Moore to lead them to victory, an event not likely to happen. Take away the run game and the Dolphins will flounder as they’ve done all season. Chiefs 24-13
Cleveland at Houston (-12.5)
Nick:
I’ve made up a lot of prophetic ground by repeatedly betting against the Texans. It’s not that I dislike the team. I just think they are a safe bet to never “bring it” when “it” really needs to be “brought.” Frankly, I was going to bet against the Texans no matter what this week as their division-leading 5-3 record is really close to the Browns very quiet 3-5 record. This spread just feels generous now. Colt McCoy is better than Matt Schaub for having a shred of mystery still left in him. Hell, more people in Texas probably know McCoy than Schaub, too. The Texans have never made a playoff appearance and they’ve still always been a better football team than the Browns, yet the Browns have beaten Houston 3 of 6 all-time meetings. Like Bender betting on a race horse, I find myself cheering on “Lasty.” I think Houston just might step in a big pile of Browns on the field and lose a gross one at home. Cleveland.
Mac:
Nick was mad at me picking the Browns game last week so….. what’s the deal Nick? The Browns are 2nd in the league at pass defense. Mostly because their wins have been against one-dimensional offenses and in 3 of their 4 losses their opponent started running the clock out early in the 3rd quarter. This Texans team hasn’t been consistent but has a dynamic offense that will put Cleveland down early and let Arian Foster milk the clock for the entire second half. Texans 27-10
New York (Jets) at Buffalo (even)
Nick:
I’m just hoping Mac takes the bait. Bills, duh.
Mac:
The optimist says the Jets have a good defense and the Bills have a good offense. The pessimist says the Jets have a bad offense and the Bills have a bad defense. At 5-2 the Bills are having an outstanding season, tied for the division lead and have a win over the Patriots. At 4-3, Jets are a disappointment dropping 3-straight in the middle of the season and having no success with an offense that is filled with every stud skill-player that was on the free agent market. But if the Jets win this game, those two opposite teams will be in the exact same position, 5-3 praying the Giants piss off Foxborough one more time. Look for the Jets to get out of the sports media doghouse, edging out the Bills in an offense explosion, Jets 37-31
New York (Giants) at New England (-9.5)
Nick:
Oh, a repeat of Superbowl XLII—the absolute best Superbowl for everybody outside of the greater Boston area. Like I’ve said before, Bellichek is one of the best at recovering from a loss—which is why he wins so many games. I think I’ve also voiced enough skepticism about the Giants. Continuing, I don’t think the Patriots will overlook a team they so gloriously overlooked just a few years ago in front of 90 million people. On a sadder note, I don’t think I’ll ever get my Manning vs. Manning Superbowl now. Damn Eli’s wild fluctuations and Peyton’s post-season tribulations. Anyhow, the Patriots are home and Boston started pre-gaming for this showdown on Tuesday. Now to just look at the point spread and…holy hell, ten points? The Giants have won 5 of their last 6, people. They’re going to make a better game out of this than ten points. New York within the margin.
Mac:
I don’t understand the Giants and I won’t pretend to. I don’t understand Eli Manning and I won’t pretend to. I could make a prediction on this game but it wouldn’t really mean anything. All I know is the Patriots don’t lose 2 in a row very often and I expect Tom Brady to come out on fire to make up for the Steelers game. But I still see something happening here. The NFC East is once again a talented division that has underperformed. At one point the 1-4 Eagles looked like it was about to become the best team to not make the playoffs…ever. Instead they sit at 3-4 two games out of the division lead and are on an upswing. Eli Manning is trying to live up to his off-season comments about being elite even though the team around him is losing a step. He doesn’t have the running game that will limit his turnover proneness and the defense is a loss when it comes to stopping the run. Eli is elite but teams don’t win in December with a bad rush offense and a bad rush defense. My predictions today is that the Eagles win the NFC East, the Giants don’t make the playoffs, and this game starts the downward trend of the Giants, Patriots 31-17.
Green Bay at San Diego (+5.5)
Nick:
At this point Aaron Rodgers is not only going to win the league MVP (if Peyton Manning is disqualified), but the second and third place winners will just be “Aron Rogers” and “Why are we even voting on this?” There are still too many reasons why the Packers won’t go 16-0 and so the better question is when will the upset happen? Against the Chargers? On their short week? When the Packers are coming off of a bye-week? When Rivers is making dumb passes like a drunk congressman? There is very little that makes sense in football and I think my biggest regret this season was not publishing my prediction that the Rams would beat the Saints (don’t believe I called it, do you?). This is moronic; only a dumbbell would pick San Diego. Only an absolute naïf or brain-stunted addlepate. Only a cable channel news pundit or dimwit, dingbat, dunce or dolt would do this. Maybe I’m just a simpleton, a simpleton with a plan. Chargers.
Mac:
This is a hard game for me to predict because every Chargers game I want to espouse my theory on Philip Rivers called the Anti-Farve. Instead I’ll simply say this, the Chargers have all the talent needed to be the team to upset the undefeated Packers. They have offensive weapons that are on par with the Packers. They have a defense that is actually playing better than the Packers. The only difference between the two is execution which falls on one person, the head coach. Simply stated Norv Turner has to be fired and the Chargers have to replace him with a coach that will hold this team, specifically Rivers, accountable for its mistakes and miscues. Although everything points to the Packers taking advantage of the sloppy Chargers, I’m predicting an upset by a Chargers team that gets their act together for one game, Chargers 34-24
Baltimore at Pittsburgh (-3.5)
The Ravens only lose easy games. And some hard ones, but mostly just easy ones. And Ben Roethlisberger knows something about having trouble with the easy ones. The Steelers should play better than in Week 1. But are they 35-points better? Not likely. On the other hand, Joe Flacco isn’t taking anybody to the Superbowl unless he’s buying the tickets; which is too bad because this rivalry will only become one of the league’s best if Baltimore can get some major playoff wins and stop being the Joey Bishop of the AFC North. Big Ben is 7-1 against the Ravens when at home and that ain’t too shabby. Maybe this is just a lingering effect of picking the Chargers a paragraph ago but I feel another unlikely upset coming on. Picking underdogs does provide a small sense of euphoria. Who needs drugs when writing gives you an inflated self-esteem? Oh yeah, writers. Ravens.
Mac:
This is a game I’m excited to see. The Ravens and the Steelers are tied for first in the AFC North, both are playing great going into this game and both have teams that are built for winter football. The Ravens in all reality should finally be a better team than the Steelers but that should have been true in previous years yet every time that Steelers have one-upped them. This year however Flacco and Boldin have gained chemistry that gives this team an edge that they haven’t had before. Ravens beat the Steelers for the second time this year by playing Steelers football better than Pittsburgh, Ravens 24-17
Season Records:
Nick (5-1)
Mac (5-1)
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