Monday, October 31, 2011

The HMS Jersey: Never Saw This

Inspired by the Generation X love of slasher flicks, the last decade gave way to a sub-genre that can only be described as “gore porn”—if not out rightly called such. Horror films are peculiar in that it is apparently cheaper to scare people than create any sense of drama, adventure or humor. Though the genre is as routinely trite as any genre in any medium of entertainment, it remains cost-effective. Indeed, when “horror” films are critically praise-worthy, they seem to evolve out of the genre and into the “suspense” or “modern classic” categories. As for the “gore porn” films, like their slasher precedents, name recognition becomes the selling point. My older cousins had Freddie Kruger; I had “Saw.” They had Jason, I had…well, “Saw.” They had Michael Myers; I had the other Mike Myers...and “Saw.”

For those unfamiliar with the "Saw" franchise, it's a series of comedies about wacky pranks pulled on people who talk too loudly on their cell phones, or are otherwise annoying.

"Oh look, another one of Mr. Jigsaw's zany life lessons!"


While being subjected to one of the annual “Saw” films, I thought about one of the more gruesome true stories in American history. Perhaps I was considering the possibility of a period piece “gore porn” film and its approximate profitability equal to that of a straight up, period piece porno. Perhaps I was just considering my solidarity with the thousands of American Revolutionary war prisoners mistreated, malnourished and murdered on the HMS Jersey. As if the name “Jersey” wasn’t already an indicator of immorality and decadence, the prison ship that housed some of the most torturous conditions in prisoner-treatment history was nicknamed by the few survivors as simply, “Hell.”

During the Revolutionary War, the British captured insane amounts of prisoners…possibly because Americans were just so easy to find in America. Not that some of the captured Americans didn’t deserve to be captured (as per rules of engagement) as General George Washington orchestrated an elaborate system of thousands of spies within the colonies. British generals throughout the war complained of not being out-fought on the battlefield but rather out-spied between the battles. Unsure of who were combatants and who were civilians, the British simply arrested people and hoped Washington’s lines of communication would be cut, or that he’d negotiate for the release of American prisoners. Washington, though, bit the bullet (and other bullets for breakfast) and refused to trade captured British officers for captured Americans--combatants, informants or civilians. This meant that thousands upon thousands of colonists/Americans were cramped onto prison ships for the duration of the war with little attention from anybody.

It’s estimated that between 8,000 to 11,000 prisoners died on these ships; and the most notorious was the HMS Jersey, where 9 out of 10 prisoners died. 9 out of 10. That’s like eliminating every NFL team not in the state of Florida. That’s like reducing the film “Pulp Fiction” to a story about Marvin. 9 out of 10. NBA champion Dirk Nowitzki doesn’t have that kind of percentage shooting free throws.

To make the situation even gorier, because apparently that’s what kids want from their horror films, these deaths weren’t even executions. There was no reason to execute anybody. There weren’t even the guillotine or gun wound possibilities allowed to “Saw” victims. Instead, these prisoners almost entirely died from small pox, dysentery and other diseases where humans basically liquefy from the inside. Rats thrived on the HMS Jersey, eating at the dead prisoners and sometimes just the very sick ones. In the darkest bowels of the ship, lamps could not stay lit for the air was too toxic and bodies of the deceased could not be found until the smell had built up ten days later.

While the British were defeated in Yorktown in 1781, they did not completely evacuate New York until 1783. It was then that they declared the HMS Jersey, a 60-gun warship, a total loss and abandoned it on the harbor. Thousands of dying prisoners were still on board.

This is not a post trying to top the rankings of humanity’s worst crimes. Nor is this even barely related to the celebration of Halloween. But rather I just don’t understand the appeal of a film genre so watered down from reality and yet devoid of insight or escapism.

"Gore porn"...or gor-ror* (gore=horror) films are dumb.


*copyright!


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