Four presidents in a ten-year span—each immobilized physically, intellectually or politically. Overlapping that time, due to death and resignations, the country also only had a vice-president for 5 years and 9 months in a 16-year period. All in the shadow of the Civil War that would claim over 600,000 causalities. That nobody cared at the time is a testament of horrifying negligence and a frustration to all who saw absolute disaster written on the wall.
Most Treacherous: John Cabell Breckenridge
Yes, this man, John Cabell Breckenridge, beats out Aaron Burr (who shot Alexander Hamilton) as the most directly violent man elected one “accident” away from the United States presidency. Any political incompetence John C. Breckenridge displayed while VP was overshadowed by his “P,” James Buchanan—who never reconciled his beliefs that South Carolina could not legally secede from the Union but also, that he, as sitting president, could not do anything to stop them. While Buchanan’s reaction to the outbreak of war has been characterized as weak or indecisive, Brechenridge has to be far more appalling as the former vice-president fled into the Deep South in 1861, joined the Southern army, became a major general and eventually promoted to Secretary of War, for the Confederate States of America (CSA). As Secretary, Breckenridge predominately focused on saving CSA government buildings and documents so that their side of the story would not be lost in history. After the official end of the war, Breckenridge and a band of outlaws continued to harass/kill Northern forces like some real-life Josey Wales. Feeling a proverbial noose tighten around his neck, Breckenridge fled to Cuba, then England, then the Middle East until 1869, when he cemented his role as a villain on the show "24" by being granted complete amnesty by President Andrew Johnson.
Least Deserving of a President’s Support: Andrew Johnson
Rough transition, I know, but so was Johnson’s rise in the world of politics. Unlike Abraham Lincoln—who also grew up relatively poor—Johnson became petty, vindictive and just flatly mean-spirited toward his rich and/or educated peers. Also, unlike Lincoln, Johnson remained staggeringly illiterate until sometime after he got married. In 1864, it looked as though Lincoln would not be reelected and so replaced his VP with Andrew Johnson, a southerner who might pacify the fears of southerners thinking about rejoining the Union. Lincoln and Johnson won but things got off to an abysmal start when Johnson became uncontrollably drunk in the Senate Chambers and rambled loudly, and occasionally incoherently, about his life. Oh, and this was during the man’s own inauguration to the American vice-presidency. Johnson defenders—I repeat, his defenders—point out that the Vice-President may have consumed courageous amounts of alcohol in an effort to cure himself of typhoid fever, which can be caused from ingesting food contaminated by feces. So yeah. Shortly after ascending to the Presidency in 1865, Johnson asked all former slaves to just go back to work on the plantations and found himself saved from impeachment by a single vote. He was reportedly buried with a copy of the Constitution but it could have just as well been some pages torn from a copy of Uncle Tom’s Cabin as nobody really gave a fart about Johnson and figured him to be as incomprehensibly stupid in the afterlife as he was here on Earth.
Loneliest: William Wheeler
In 1876, the Republican party had the usual problem of picking a vice-presidential candidate that had always plagued both parties’ conventions—and essentially still does. Eventually, somebody said, “What about Wheeler?” to which everyone else, including Wheeler himself, laughed. The next day he was nominated under the slogan, “Who the hell is Wheeler?”—a slogan later replaced by, “Seriously; who again?” On a personal level, Wheeler was by all accounts affable, quiet and had a level of morality that’d make Jimmy Stewart’s ‘Mr. Smith’ look like Joe McCarthy. However, Wheeler also didn’t drink that much and was a widower with neither children nor immediate family. Wheeler made few, if any, friends in D.C. due to his own political indifference and rarely talked during the senatorial debates he presided over. After four years, he moved back to northern New York and hilariously…no, wait, tragically…died so quietly that people were not actually sure when he died at all.
“Oh come on!”: Thomas Andrews Hendricks
In 1884, Thomas Andrews Hendricks ran as the Democratic Vice-President and in the campaign said that his running mate, Grover Cleveland, should withdraw from the race after a mid-level paternity scandal broke out. Hendricks then decried the Emancipation Proclamation and lambasted the 14th Amendment. After the successful election, the 65-year-old Hendricks demanded that his dangerously unqualified friends be given government jobs; but ultimately he had the good sense to drop dead less than nine months after taking office. Around this same time, President Cleveland became extremely sick and many thought would also die; which would have decimated the stability of the country, as the leaders in the House and the Senate (in line for political succession) had not been chosen yet. Fortunately, Cleveland recovered. Three years later, the Democrats nominated Allen Thurman to be Cleveland’s next vice-president. Thurman was 75 years old.
Richest (probably): Levi Parsons Morton
Levi Parsons Morton was one of the richest men in the country by the 1870s and a precursor to the titans of industry that’d dominate politics thirty years later. Morton, though, owed his financial success to international banking with his company L.P. Morton & Co. To put that in perspective, that “& Co.” stood for Junius Morgan, father of J.P. Morgan. In 1880, Morton rejected the VP nomination, preferring instead to try for Secretary of the Treasury—a position that gets to hire several hundred more experts (or cronies) than the vice-president. Instead, Morton was appointed ambassador to France, which he accepted and hosted numerous parties for the next several years. An incredible benefit of all his parties was that he secured funding for the Statue of Liberty project—which had stalled when too many people asked, “what’s the point?”
Damn you! You blew it up! Damn you all to--no, wait, it just hasn't been built yet.
In 1888, Morton won the American vice-presidency and was generally regarded as a non-partisan overseer, judicial and independent—even from his own party. Obviously such incompetence led to him being dropped from the ticket four years later. As a notable epilogue, Morton ran for governor of New York in 1894, won, served a single term and retired. That gubernatorial campaign in 1894 personally cost Morton some $36,000—adjusted nowadays to over $860,000.
Best “Way to Jinx It!” Moment: Theodore Roosevelt
“Let’s Kick Roosevelt Upstairs” was the unofficial slogan for party bosses and industrialists tired of dealing with the progressive Republican New York governor Roosevelt. Mark Hanna, Chairman of the Republicans, was one of the first and only people to openly acknowledge the possibility that the nominated VP could become President, even though it had happened several times before. Hanna was convinced TR was a madman who was always campaigning for himself. In Roosevelt’s defense, he could not sit still for more than a few minutes and earnestly enjoyed the rigors of speaking tours in the days pre-dating sound systems. Upon the McKinley-Roosevelt election victory, Hanna disturbingly said to the President, “Your duty to the country is to live for four years from next March.” McKinley, though, got the last laugh by getting in the way of a bullet nine months later and died.
Least Alive: James Sherman
VP James Sherman and President William Taft combined for over 530 pounds, but few political successes. In 1912, the presidential election went crazier than a drunk Al Davis and was capped off by the death of the incumbent Vice-President about a week before the voting. While being dead would end most political careers, Sherman’s name had already been printed on posters and ballots across the country. Republican leaders grudgingly said one Nicholas Butler would become the next VP should Taft/Sherman win, but the show was over and the sitting powers lost. Still, Sherman, a dead man, was voted to remain as the nation's Vice-President by nearly 3.5 million Americans (23%). So, you know, pretty good showing.
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