NFL Predictions: Week Eight

Adding a little flavor, Mac will contribute some NFL Predictions this week.

Terrell Owens said he wasn’t a history major and if anybody else is, “it’s their loss.” Finally, this blog has a suitable connection between football and academia! T.O. is like John Edwards or Britney Spears--almost had it all, but in each case their flaws became who they are. Nobody is perfect, sure, but Owens has missed the train of real relevance while he posed for a mirror. He should take any offer to play in the arena football league because it’d prove he wants to play, not that he wants to be famous—and that’s what teams would really like to see. More likely though, T.O. will continue to mug for the cameras and probably do a spread in Playgirl magazine. In short, in the NFL world, T.O. is what he disparages: history.

Minnesota at Carolina (-3.5)

Nick:

Two rookie quarterbacks and both came within one possession of downing the undefeated Packers. Candy Bar Newton put up staggering numbers this season but Vikings’ Chris Ponder has proved rather wily himself. Both teams have all-stars scattered on the field but employ far too many placeholders to be anything more than spoilers for better teams this year. Frankly, this game seems like an exercise in which fans can correctly guess which of the two quarterbacks we’ll be talking about in five years. Personally, I like both of them. But what I really like is that Adrian Peterson is averaging over a hundred yards a game and all three families in South Carolina combined couldn’t stop him. Vikings.

Mac:

How good is Cam Newton. 288.4 yds/gm through his first 7 games in the league, 8 TD to 9 Int. He’s playing for a Panthers team that started their rebuilding with his drafting and he has consistently played playoff-caliber defenses all season. Watching him, he has made throws reserved for elite QBs but has yet to put up one truly elite performance. Much of his yardage output has been due to his team trailing and when he makes a bad throw it is extremely errant. At this point he still has to prove he can win. The Vikings have had a similar reaction to a tough schedule early in the season and were one drive from beating the Packers even though Aaron Rodgers is on fire and it wasn’t a bad game for the defending champs. Ponder beats Newton, 24-21

Detroit at Denver (+2.5)

Nick:

Do you believe in magic? If so, Denver will win this game. Devote only to the algorithms (er, facts) of the game? Detroit is your bet. After starting off as the league’s undefeated Cinderella team, the Lions have stolen the magical mouse and turned back into the proverbial shoe-shaped house (NOTE: I’m not really familiar with the actual Cinderella story, but that’s what happens, right?). Anyhow, the Lions have to be burning at how indifferently people accepted that Detroit lost a staggering(?) two games in a row. Dreams were dashed, expectations fulfilled. Detroit’s Mathew Stafford will start; Denver’s Willis McGahee will be out. There’s really no reason to pick Denver, and I doubt Mac here is a believer. I want to believe in magic, though. Just like Cinderella’s flying carpet (right?). Denver!

Mac:

TEEEEBBBBOOOWWW!!! This kid is a winner, but he’s also a terrible QB. You know when they say a QB can make all the throws in the NFL, well Tebow can’t. Mechanics aren’t all that important (see Philip Rivers) but to have a slow release when you don’t have the arm strength and your QB IQ already makes you a second slower than every other QB, well it leads to 4 for 14, 40 yards performance 54:37 into a football game against the 21st ranked pass defense of the winless Dolphins. On the other hand, Tebow is a weapon with the ball in his hands and if he gets the slightest room, 10 yards in 4 plays is like an abortion, it won’t stop Timmy. Look for Suh to welcome Tebow to the NFL with comments more offensive than mine. Lions 37-9

New England at Pittsburgh (+2.5)

Nick:

I picked the Patriots to go deep in the post-season this year despite my own criticisms of how they just aren’t “a fun team.” Their M.O. is to treat football like a business and it’s done wonders for them. I like my football to be entertaining, though. So I loved that they brought in one of the best entertainers in the league, a man so entertaining that his name itself ripples with interest: Chad Ochocinco. God, I can’t believe how easily that caught on. He’s like a good version of T.O. If the Patriots were to put up 62 points on any team like the Saints did last week there would be been strident outcry for professional sportsmanship. All said, New England—a rounding error away from a perfect record—has shown it’s surprisingly vulnerable this season, allowing teams to pass through their secondary like a rock through wet toilet paper. Still, the Steelers may have won the AFC conference last year but getting back means going through the Patriots (probably twice, even). I want to root for teams I like watching. Steelers.

Mac:

The Steelers looked like the Superbowl-loser hangover was in full swing but quickly recovered. They stand a 5-2 and are keeping pace with the Ravens for the division. With that said the 5 wins came against teams that are a combined 8-24. The Patriots on the other hand have only had one slip up against the much improved Bills. Even with that, Tom Brady is competing in the “Make Dan Marino Completely Irrelevant” contest with Dree Brees and Aaron Rodgers. Maybe winter will stop them, but til then…. Pats 38-24

Cleveland at San Francisco (-7.5)

Nick:

Why the hell Mac wanted us to predict this game is way beyond me. San Francisco had a bye-week coming in, on a 4-game win streak, and quarterback Alex Smith has been kidnapped, locked in a basement and replaced with a pretty good look-a-like. Meanwhile, Cleveland has miraculously skid-marked to only a 3-3 record because while Colt McCoy has thrown 12 interceptions at least 8 of those where to his own teammates—and returned for touchdowns. This is ridiculous and I’m terrified if Mac knows more than me thanks to his corrupt bookie and picks anything beyond the obvious. Because, frankly, this game, this spread, feels like a gift from Vegas. The 49ers are poised to crush Cleveland into some mush that can only be described as “brown.” San Francisco covers the spread two or three times over.

Mac:

One Harbaugh actually knows how to create an offensive identity. He understands Alex Smith’s limitations and has created a game plan that puts the 49ers in the position to win against good teams and consistently win against average teams, much like the Chiefs last season. This team has been extremely talented for the last couple seasons but it took Harbaugh’s coaching to get the players to execute on the field. The Browns have stayed competitive game-in and game-out this year but this game will slowly get out of hand as the Browns have to rely on Colt McCoy. 49ers 31-10

Dallas at Philadelphia (-2.5)

Nick:

Former-future NFL great Vince Young is getting sued by some guy he reportedly punched while drunk at a strip club. I only bring this up because the Eagles are endlessly fascinating for me this year even though their record is well below my original predictions. Now I struggle to think of a situation where I would not pick them to win, knowing full well that the team has turned into the disaster that so many NBA fans prayed would befall the Miami Heat about this time last year. It would seem I’ve sworn some oath of fealty to Philly when I find myself saying the Eagles would win it all if only the NFL season was long enough. Worse yet, some weeks I fear any dignity accumulated in other posts is sacrificed for more Cowboys-bashing. Other weeks I just want to point that Dallas is a nadir hellscape of intersecting highways all created from overlapping efforts of millions to drive through, or otherwise escape, the city as fast as humanly possible. And Jerry Jones can go to the Superbowl when he buys a goddamn ticket. Eagles.

Mac:

Is Vick made of glass? Is Romo overrated or over-criticized? Does Andy Reid coach anymore? Why does Dez Bryant play half the game like Larry Fitzgerald and the other half like he’s Brandon Marshall punting the ball during practice? Why didn’t they trade Vince Young, or at least tell him to shut up? None of these questions will be answered on Sunday. Eagles get back on track and edge out the “unbeatable” Cowboys, 31-27

San Diego at Kansas City (+3.5)

Nick:

I don’t know if it’s physical, emotional or mental, but I think Phillip Rivers is hurt or something. He’s a perennial bronze medallist in the NFL QB rankings and everything looked primed to go in San Diego two months ago. Talent doesn’t just disappear though, so he’s still a stupid-faced threat. Conversely, Matt Cassel is always a threat to the Chiefs. It’s flabbergasting how Cassel had a 38.3 QB rating last week in oakland and still threw less interceptions than not just one but TWO other quarterbacks in that very game. If I took a shot of Bacardi every time Cassel took a shot downfield, I’d be as sober as the Pope. Of course if I played the same game with Rivers I’d wake up two days later with breath that could kill a horse. I guess this means I’ll pick the Chiefs to get with the margin.

Mac:

I understand the Chiefs. The organization has created a strong core on defense that with Eric Berry would have the potential to be a top-10 defense. The offensive has nearly all the necessary pieces, minus a QB. No matter what you tell me, upgrade from Matt Cassel or forever be a 8-8 team that can’t compete with the elite teams in the NFL. The Chargers on the other hand continue to be a mystery. On paper they have both a top offense and top defense. So far this year they’ve had three soft opponents, one underachieving team (Jets), and one great team (Patriots) yet every game has been the same, close with 10 points being the largest differential in their win over the winless Dolphins. The difference between a 4-2 or 2-4 Chargers is so slight for this team that never gets off to a good start. I’m a Chiefs fan so, 27-24, fingers crossed.