NFL Predictions: Division Weekend

As teams are eliminated, football fans become more divided in their ideological entrenchments—thus this round is known as the “divisional.”

Houston at Baltimore

NICK: Of the AFC teams, I’d like the Ravens in the Superbowl most, but getting three good games (in a row) out of Joe Flacco would be among the biggest shockers of the year—right beyond discovering the mortality of Al Davis. The Ravens got the bye week and they might have needed it as much as any team, if only for the extra deliberation. Flacco, leading the second-seeded Ravens, is something like the 26th best quarterback in the league, so he’s kind of become the Trent Dilfer of Ravens’ quarterbacks. I’d Ray Rice over Arian Foster, and not just because Arian is a stupid name. Ray Lewis eats running backs to fuel his pre-game pump ups, The Texans can make their real Superbowl run next year. Ravens.

MAC: Two great defenses, two great running backs, special teams play is relatively even. This game is going to come down to the pass offense. Joe Flacco, no matter what is said, is a strong-armed thrower with many targets. TJ Yates is a timid player that is doing an amazing job care-taking this playoff team. Yates too has many targets, especially if Andre Johnson continues returning to form. This is one of the few playoff games this year with the classic strong run, strong D style. Passing will have to decide it and Flacco is head and shoulders above Yates. Arian Foster will have to have an even better game this week, which is tough considering he was flawless during Wildcard Weekend. Ravens win and no headline will get to say “Flacco on His Back-o” this week.

New York (Giants) at Green Bay

NICK: New York kept Green Bay honest earlier this year in a game, losing by three to the undefeated Packers. Now Eli is playing well, the Giants have formed a running game and tightened their defense. Really, this game has several components of the 2008 Giants-Patriots Superbowl. Football stops making sense when people start assuming things and while the Packers’ loss to Kansas City might have refocused them away from the worst 18-1 record imaginable, I don’t think the astronomically better 18-1 record that Green Bay now has a shot at is “a lock.” Giants in the upset!

MAC: Can we all just assume that the Packers and the Saints will get to play a rematch of that spectacular Week One showing? Well before that can happen, the Packers will have to deal with the pesky Giants. This team, as I’ve stated pretty much every week, is ridiculous. Their sieve of a defense has only been able hang their hat on the pass rush all season, until miraculously they have gelled at the end of the year, holding a dynamic Falcons offense to no points in the Wildcard match up. Even the Giants non-existent run game finally showed up for the playoffs. The Packers were beat by the Chiefs in Week 15 because a strong pass rush, shutdown corners, and a balanced offense that killed the clock and kept Rodgers off the field. The Giants don’t have the corners, but they also have great passing game that can keep them in a shootout and a pass rush that could cause Aaron Rodgers to turn it over (cuz GB isn’t punting it). I look for this to be an amazing game and a one of the first games to push Rodgers to his limits. But Packers win, close game, lot of points.

New Orleans at San Francisco

NICK: The 49ers strike me as the softest 13-3 team in recent memory. They’re good, but they’re not that good. Alex Smith has thrown 17 touchdowns for 3,144 yards—which Drew Brees could do while filming another Nightquil commercial. Seriously, the Saints have more weapons than the entire Russian military. It’s amazing that Brees hasn’t started foaming at the mouth with glee while Sean Payton tried to sneak additional footballs onto the field. However, I like that Alex Smith has had enough low points in his career (i.e. his entire career) to be kept honest. Here’s hoping Alex Smith throws at least some interceptions to his own teammates, but all of San Francisco could not score as much in three hours as the Saints. New Orleans.

MAC: A Harbaugh Superbaugh would be great. A Packers-Saints 100 point duel in the NFC championship would be so much better. Did you watch the Saint-Lions game? Drew Brees and Sean Payton are terrible people. With the game in hand and a running game that is shredding up the defense, the Saints decided to keep throwing on the Lions. When I say “throwing” I don’t mean using pass plays. I mean chucking it to the end zone and snapping the ball with 20 seconds on the play clock. This team didn’t want to let the game end. Even on the final possession, both Brees and Payton were biting their lips when they started kneeling on the Lions 5-yard line. That doesn’t change the fact that the Saints are out for blood. The 49ers defense is strong, but the Saints offense is lethal. Packers-Saints facing off in the North of Forty-Conference Championship game.

Denver at New England

NICK: “Told you so,” is the sweetest phrase sport writers ever get to utter and many have been savoring the chance in the Great Tebow Debate. At this point, though, I don’t think they can bask in any self-serving joy--even if the Patriots crush the Broncos like a glue factory. Tebow had the best game of his career on the most important night for him to date. A best game that didn’t even require a 50% completion rate. Flip side, the Patriots have spent their last two playoff games getting carved up by the likes of Joe Flacco and Mark Sanchez and who can say Tebow couldn’t join that list? And this is not to mention the teams’ last meeting where Denver jumped to a 16-7 lead. Tom Brady had a guest spot on “Entourage” and Tim Tebow could only belong in a Wal-Mart-sponsored, straight-to-DVD, “family friendly” flick. Mac believes in magic and aced all of last week; I need to believe in New England’s offense and earn my bread. Patriots.

MAC: In Nick’s drunken stupor that was clearly caused by Tebow’s Wildcard performance, he called me up midway through the 4th Quarter of the game. He started babbling about the idea of football affecting our belief in God, posing the idea of Tebow being the Good and Patriots being the Evil. Nick loves creating this Republic-like description of the Patriots…(EDITED BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT – Nick) All I know is I’m going to have to drink a lot of this Vodka to pick Tebow again, so here it goes.

First shot: The Patriots have a merciless pass game that few defenses can stop.

Second shot: The Steelers gambled by playing the safeties up to stop the run, but they didn’t have the cover corners to pull it off. This is not going to be the Patriots plan. Their defense strategy will be to allow the run, then clamp down in the red zone.

Third Shot: I should have bought UV instead of Svedka.

Fourth Shot: How tall are these shot glasses?

Fifth Shot: The Patriots destroyed them already, right?

Sixth shot: If the Broncos play like they did against the Steelers, can the Patriots play like they did in Week 15 and still win.

Seventh Shot: The Patriots are assholes and now Bill Bela-Fuck and “Scandals” McDaniels are reunited. It makes me wanna puke.

Eighth Shot: I did puke and now I feel better.

Ninth Shot: He’s Tebow. Do you believe in God? Sorry, that’s too personal of a question. Do you believe in Tebow? This question may garner more hostility. Broncos win and I need some sleep.

Tenth Shot: Nick, if you pick the Broncos I will be angry.