So Michael Vick got injured while waiting in the pocket...that's unexpected. More importantly though, he injured his neck. This means the only logical way to salvage the NFL's shortage of star quarterbacks (because let's face it, Tarvaris Jackson is just not bringing it), and capture the unique opportunity presented, is to surgically graft Peyton Manning's head on Michael Vick's body. Or visa versa. Or both. And actually, Sam Bradford hurt his finger, and he has one of the best fingers in the NFL, so there more than enough reason for Roger Goodell to create some kind of super-quarterback after the failed Tom Brady-beta robot.
Just serious.
Detroit at Minnesota (+2.5)
I'm not a believer in the Lions yet. Matt Stafford is good, maybe better than good, but the Chiefs were too good at running the ball in the first half of last week's game for me to think Adrian Peterson won't collapse from exhaustion before he collapses from getting tackled in this game. Granted, Donovan McNabb has been absolutely nowhere these first few weeks, but I think it's a re-learning curve--hurt by the lockout--and not athleticism in question. I also have a feeling too many football fans will be waiting for Brett Favre to come out of retirement for the next 10 years with the same senseless anticipation of “Arrested Development” fans waiting for a movie. All else being even, Vegas generally puts the home team in the hole by three points, which would mean 50% of gamblers think the Lions are at least a touchdown better than the Vikings. Which they're not. Take the points, take the Vikings.
Jacksonville at Carolina (-3.5)
Cam Newton's numbers are a little inflated just by the nature of professional football nowadays. That's not to say he hasn't surpassed expectations; he certainly has. Though frankly, I think getting the Panthers to within a touchdown of besting the defending Superbowl champs is more impressive than the aerial numbers Newton has thrown around. Also, is it me or does his name sound like a candy bar? It's like his name is Chewy Caramel or something. I'm just saying, I haven't wanted to eat an NFL player this badly since Phat Porterhouse got bumped from the B-squad on the '93 Cowboys. Maybe I should just stop writing these predictions when I'm hungry. Food or no, I think Carolina gets their first win--and by more than three points. Panthers.
Houston at New Orleans (-3.5)
This week the Texans finally get to prove if they are serious this year. I can't help but wonder if they're reading the reports of Peyton Manning's neck surgery treatments with trembling fingers.He was supposed to be out for the season, they surely stammered, not just six weeks! The optimists contend, though, that the Texans will win the AFC South and finally strip the Colts of their annual playoff spanking. It'd be an honor, really. Meanwhile, the Saints have assumed they're an elite team for the last two years, regardless of how they actually play. For a first time this season, I'd like to the Saints actually get out too a good start rather than spotting teams 18 points with 3 quarters to go. All this spanking, quick starts and honor seems rather circuitous when I could have just said the Texans aren't serious. Saints.
KC lost Tony Moeaki, Eric Berry, Jonathan Baldwin and now Jamal Charles. And lost 89-10 in a two-week span, against the Lions and the Bills no less. Just as bad, San Diego lost their season-opening game to K.C. last year, so don't expect them to overlook the Chiefs. Meanwhile the majority of the Kansas City sports talk show area has absolutely abandoned Scott Pioli and Todd Haley. Personally, I've also stopped giving Matt Cassel a free pass, as he seems to eager to throw that pass 4 yards on a 3rd and 10. Worse, nearly all of his throws more than 10 yards are horribly off-target. Even worse, when the Chiefs are decent for public viewing, Dwayne Bowe has proved himself some incompetent mixture of cowardice in the open field and inability along the sidelines. At this point, Kansas City might be better off trading Derrick Johnson for a sack of magic beans. Really the only thing working for the Chiefs in this case is the college-level spread given out, as I could see the Chargers going into the fourth quarter with a 35-7 lead and then just giving up and allowing two freak plays. Then again, this is a division rival and San Diego was never really with the Patriots last Sunday. Chargers by 15-plus.
Season Record: 3-5 (C'mon baby, let's turn this around!)
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